Memories of the Past
by MJLS
Summary: Anakin visits Padmé's abandoned apartment once again Not like Vader! Memories from the past spook his mind as he looks around the place that his angel once called home. R&R please...Oneshot [Part I]


**Memories of the past**

* * *

He silently entered the apartment. It had been easy to get in. The codes had not changed and nobody lived here since her death. Anakin took a deep breath and walked out of the elevator. Pain coursed through his heart as he saw the once so lightened hallway.

No light shined through the closed curtains, but he remembered every small detail of the beautiful hallway. He remembered how she always stood in the door portal, waiting for him.

He remembered how she would kiss him, telling him how much she had missed him over the time he had been away.

_"Ani!" Padme exclaimed happily, running to his arms. "You're home!" _

_"Padme!" Anakin grinned, feeling stupid. "I've missed you!" _

_"I've missed you too, Ani!" she said, hugging him blissfully. Anakin simply held her for a moment, stroking her dark, silky hair and kissing her tenderly on the forehead._

He missed her smile, he missed her laugh, and he missed the sparkle in her eyes when he said something. He missed her names, her love, her comfort, her support, and her trust.

He missed her. He sighed and walked through the door portal, into the living room where he had first seen her again after 10 years.

_"Ani??" Padmé stares "My goodness you've grown."_

_They look at each other for a long moment._

_"So have you... grown more beautiful, I mean... and much shorter... for a Senator, I mean." Ani stutters, trying to be smooth_

_Padmé laughs and shakes her head._

_"Oh Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine "_

_This embarrasses Anakin, and he looks down._

Tears sprang in his eyes but he refused to let them fall down his cheeks. He looked around; clothes had covered everything. He sighed, everything had changed. The most valuable things had been placed away in boxes and stored away in the corners of the once so beautiful apartment of his angel.

He looked at the glass door of the balcony and walked towards it. Opening them softly with a small sound, he looked at the balcony where she had been standing so many times. He had been staring at her, not believing how beautiful she really was.

He loved her so much, but he had lost her so easily. Just because he gave in to his fears. He sighed and looked back up.

_Padmé stands in the balcony brushing her hair. Anakin leans against the wall, watching her lovingly. _

" . . . Every second I was thinking of you. Protecting the endless, nameless Outer Rim settlements became a torture . . . the battles were easy, the longing became unbearable . . . I've never been so happy as I am at this moment. "

" Annie, I want to have our baby back home on Naboo. We could go to the lake country where no one would know . . . where we would be safe. I could go early-and fix up the baby's room. I know the perfect spot, right by the gardens. "

"You are so beautiful! " Anakin mutters softly  
" It's only because I'm so in love . . ." Padmé smiles at him, stopping with her activity  
"No, it's because I'm so in love with you. "

_  
"So love has blinded you? " She asks worried  
"Well, that's not exactly what I meant . . ."  
"But it's probably true! "_

They both laugh at the silly conversation they just had. Padmé continues to brush her hair while smiling, thinking of the baby that grew inside of her. Thinking of her husband that was looking at her.

_  
"I haven't laughed in so long . . ." she admitted  
" Neither have I."_

He couldn't handle it anymore; he just couldn't stand there, like nothing had happened. A lot had happened. He hated himself for losing her. He hated himself for doing this to her. He couldn't watch anymore. He closed the doors again and made his way to the next room.

He had to do this, nothing else mattered for him. He had to see the apartment again. No matter how much pain it caused him. The pain was almost unbearable. He looked at the bed, the sheets were gone, her scent was still in the pillows.

He looked under the pillow and was amazed to see the Japor snippet still in its place. Didn't they burry it with her? He slowly picked it up, looking at it. Anakin smiled, it had been his first gift to her.

He was only nine years old then, but already very much in love with his angel. His angel, how he missed her. A single, lonely tear fell down his cheek as he thought about it.

_"I'm...I'm not sure what's going to happen to me. I dunno if I'll ever see you again... " Anakin pulls something from his pocket "I made this for you. So you'd remember me. I carved it out of a Japor snippet... It will bring you good fortune."_

_Anakin hands a wooden pendant to Padmé. She inspects it, and then puts it around her neck._

_" It's beautiful, but I don't need this to remember you. Many things will change when we reach the capital, Annie. My caring for you will always remain."_

_"I care for you too."_

He frowned; she always placed it in her jewellery box, not under her pillow. He kissed it softly and placed it on the chest of drawers. He smiled softly through the tears that had begun to fall down his cheeks and made his way through the other parts of the apartment.

He walked through the hallway. He could still hear her footsteps when she walked through. He looked next to him. Her closet was closed; all her clothes had been shipped to Naboo to be worn by the next senator or queen.

_"I do not like this idea of hiding."_

_"Don't worry. Now that the Council has ordered an investigation, it won't take Master Obi-Wan long to find that bounty hunter."_

_"I haven't worked for a year to defeat the "Military Creation Act" not to be here when its fate is decided." Padmé answers frustrated._

_"Sometimes we have to let go of our pride and do what is requested of us."_

_Padmé takes a deep breath and nods. Placing her clothes in the suitcase on the bed, she smiles at Anakin_

_"You've grown up" Anakin becomes a little shy and looks at the window on the other side of the room._

Anakin takes a deep breath and continues down the hall towards the kitchen. The table was covered, just like the chairs. He shakes his head and closes his eyes while looking down. He let the tears fall down his cheeks.

One tear falls down on the ground, the carpet is still as soft as he remembered. The walls are still coloured like he remembered. The memories were still in the air, in his mind, in the walls. They were printed in the room. Unable to be removed.

He walks back to the living room and sits down on the covered couch. His head falls in his hands as he tries to push the memories back to the end of his mind. He wished he were gone from there.

He looked up, tears welling up in his eyes as he saw a picture of her in one of the frames that were stocked in one of the boxes on the small coffee table. The picture was of the both of them.

It was in the lake country. Where nobody knew who they were. She was wearing her yellow dress and he was in his Jedi outfit. He smiled through his tears. That had been one of the happiest days of his life.

_Padmé stares at Anakin. He looks back at her, straight-faced. He can't hold a smile._

"_You're making fun of me." Padmé laughs softly_

"_On no, I'd be much too frightened to tease a Senator." Anakin replies sarcastic _

"_You're so bad!" She giggles and looks down at the grass around her._

_Padmé picks up a piece of fruit and throws it at him. He catches it. She throws two more pieces of fruit, and Anakin catches them._

"_You're always so serious. Always carrying the weight of the universe on your shoulders."_

Anakin then starts to juggle the fruit. Padmé laughs and throws more fruit at him. He manages to juggle them too until there are too many, and he loses control and ducks, letting food fall on his head. They both laugh.

He places the picture back in the box. Small objects that had decorated the apartment once were stocked away. He walked to the other side of the apartment, behind the bedroom and the bathroom. The second balcony was still nicely decorated.

Glass windows shielded it from the outside. Making sure there were no intruders on the floor. Nobody had taken care of this part of the house. No covers were over the couches and everything was still in place as he remembers it.

The fountain that used to be on all day long was quiet. The soft noise of running water didn't run through the air. He sighed and thought about the day after he had the nightmare of her dieing in childbirth.

_Padmé stands and watches the sunset. Anakin moves toward her. She senses something. She smiles at the sunset and doesn't notice Anakin coming from behind her._

_"Beautiful, isn't it? " He whispers in her ear._

_Padmé jumps and turns around. _

_"You startled me. " She chuckles slightly. He sits next to her on the bench. She smiles at him and kisses him softly._

_He sits next to her on the bench. _

_"How are you feeling? " He asks silently_

_"He keeps kicking."_

_"He?! Why do you think it's a boy? " Anakin smirks_

_"My motherly intuition." Padmé laughs _

_She puts his hand on her belly. "Whoa! With a kick that strong, it's got to be a girl. "_

_Both of them laugh a little, they didn't want to know the gender of the child. They wanted it to be a surprise for when it's born. He smiled at her and then at her belly. _

_"I heard about your appointment. Anakin. I'm so proud of you. "_

_"I may be on the Council, but . . . they refused to accept me as a Jedi Master. " Anakin replies frustrated._

_"Patience. In time, they will recognize your skills. "_

Under the picture, another one of his favourite pictures was placed. It's a wonder that they had found it. It had been one of the most hidden pictures in the apartment. He smiled, she was so beautiful that day. Her white dress fitted her perfectly. It was just the two of them.

_In a rose-covered arbour overlooking the sparkling late, Anakin and Padmé stand before a Naboo holy man. They smile at each other, holding hands and looking in each others eyes._

_3PO and R2 stand by, watching, as the holy man blesses the happy couple and, amid gently falling rose petals, Anakin and Padmé kiss._

Anakin couldn't handle it anymore. He fell down on his knees. His head down. Tears fell down his cheeks. He couldn't stand it any longer. He couldn't live with the knowledge that he had killed her.

He couldn't live with the conscious that he is responsible for everything bad in the galaxy. He couldn't live without her any longer.

"I'm so sorry Padmé, I wish I was stronger, but I'm not. I wish I had the knowledge that I had now, but I didn't. I'm so sorry. It's my entire fault. It's my fault our children are dead. It's my fault you died. It's my fault the republic is in ruins. It's all my fault. I don't know if I even deserve to live. Being without you is already the worst punishment anyone could give me."

He places his head in his hands and cries. He wanted to hear her voice again; he wanted to see her angelic face again. He wanted to feel her soft skin again. He wanted to see her laugh again. He wanted to be with her.

That's all he wanted.

But nothing could change the course of destiny.

Nothing could bring her back.

Not even the force.

Not the dark side

Not the light side.

Nothing could bring her back.

And it was all his fault.

It was his fault she had died. It was his fault, everything was his fault.

"Anakin, listen to yourself now, do you really think it's all your fault? You were deceived by a lie, we all were. No one in the world could've predicted that Palpatine was manipulating you. No Jedi in the world could've predicted that he was going to turn you to the dark side. I didn't die because of you Anakin. I died because of a broken heart. I couldn't live without you. But you can! You are strong enough Ani. Live for me. Live for our children. Don't give up. I love you."

Anakin looks up, but he doesn't see her. Tears fall down his cheeks. Numbly he nods, closing his eyes. He sees her. He smiles at her, she smiles at him. His angel. His love. His wife. His friend.

"I love you too Padmé, but I'm not strong enough to live without you. I need you Angel, you're my strength. Everything I believe, everything I have every fought for. I need you to survive Padmé."

One last time, their lips meet. It's a soft kiss but it means the world to Anakin. It was his last reminder of what he had lost. Her image fades away. Anakin whips away all his tears, his fears.

Live for me. Live for our Children. Don't give up. I love you.

Her words rang in his ears. He closes his eyes again. Trying to regain himself. She was right. She always was. He leaves the balcony

_And when I'm gone, just carry on _

_Don't mourn, rejoice _

_Every time you hear the sound of my voice _

_Just know that, I'm lookin' down on you smilin' _

_And i didn't feel a thang _

_So baby don't feel no pain _

_Just smile back _

Anakin smiles and takes one last glance at the apartment that he had spent most of his Jedi years. Where he had lived with his angel. He looks in the mirror at the wall and takes a deep breath before walking in the elevator. Leaving the apartment.

_Live for me _

"I'll live for you Angel, I'll live for our children and I won't give up. I love you, I always will"

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**R&R please…Reviews make me smile and I cannot lie**


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